Greggs the “bakers” have attracted some opprobrium by replacing the baby Jesus with a sausage roll. See above. It’s not the Messiah, it’s a very flaky pastry. The picture is an advert for Greggs’ advent calendar.
That’s right, you read correctly: Greggs are retailing an advent calendar. It cost twenty-four English pounds and has vouchers to spend in its stores behind each door.
This immediately prompts a number of burning questions: Who is this seasonal item aimed at? Who in their right mind would spend £24 on a Greggs advent calendar? Who, in their right mind, wants to celebrate the coming of the Nativity via the consumption of rebated Greggs delicacies?
Taking for granted, for a second, that these are questions that would baffled the sagest intellects of this and indeed any generation, let us move on to the fact that this advert has caused some offence. Not much offence, obviously, but some. The UK Evangelical Alliance (no, not the foggiest either) said they were “not too outraged” about the Greggs nativity scene, but that it “does raise issues of companies using the Bible story to sell products.”
Because Christmas and Capitalism never mix. Quelle horreur.
And a few people on Twitter complained as well. And that never happens on Twitter. Especially now they’re going up to a 280-character limit. That hasn’t made Twitter even more unbearable and whiny at all…
Gregg’s have apologised for sullying the Nativity with a savory baked product. To which my immediate reaction was: pussies. This was golden publicity for their bakeries and their shitty advent calendar. If I were brand manager not only would I have refused to apologise, but I’d already be planning sausage rolls nailed to a cross for our big Easter push.
In many ways I’ve already believed that Greggs’ sausage rolls (75% saturated fat, 22% gristle and 3% actual pig) possess greater powers of resurrection than the son of God himself. When I was employed by Zurich Assurance I often worked Saturday overtime and I often stumbled into work with profound organ failure. To try to stem my imminent demise I’d pop into Greggs on the way in and buy 3 of their sausage rolls with two bottle of Mr Coca Cola’s diet pop. Within minutes of consumption this complex mix of fats, carbohydrates, protein and caffeine would bring about a physical, spiritual and intellectual revival worthy of Lazarus himself.
Still, a Greggs’ advent calendar? What were they thinking? Who is their brand manager? Why isn’t it me? What would Jesus do?
So many questions…