And on the 22nd of December we found ourselves briefly turkey-less.
Mad really. We’d booked one of those “click and collect” things with Aldi (or Lidl, I get them mixed up all the time; they’re basically the same thing). On the morning of the “collect” we received an email detailing the items they were going renege on.
These included: goose fat, streaky bacon, a gammon joint and – most notably – a turkey. All animal-based products, I notice. Have Aldi (or Lidl) gone “woke”. Seems unlikely, they’re German.
This did mean that Caroline had to go out and forage for turkey. And she swiftly found one on the shelves of the Aldi (I think it was Aldi) that she was doing the “click and collect from…
….Hold the fuck on.
I think we all know that supermarkets over-order turkeys at Christmas, don’t we? That’s just natural. People, including us, like to eat turkey on Christmas Day for some unfathomable reason. It’s not the best of meats. Like poultry designed by Elon Musk.
I should probably say here that Caroline asked me if I actually wanted turkey on Christmas Day and I said yes. Possibly due to some form of Stockholm Syndrome. We do cook a turkey well (due to brining it before cooking in the American style) and the leftovers are generally a delight. Turkey and stuffing sandwiches are a rare pleasure, especially with a splodge of cranberry and bread sauces to sweeten (and savoury) the deal.
We’re cooking beef twice before Christmas anyway, as part of two pre-Christmas, Christmas meals, so it’s probably best that that we don’t overload too much on culinary pleasure over the Festive Holidays.
Caroline picked up a gammon on her travels as well to replace the one Aldi denied us. As in the cured pork joint, not a member of the local Conservative club. I don’t know exactly when we’ll be eating it, but I think we both get a bit nervous over Christmas without an emergency gammon in the freezer. Why risk starvation?
Goose fat has been precured as well, to guarantee proper crispness to the potatoes. Funny how goose fat has become a middle class Christmas staple, but barely anyone has a goose for their table.
My Mum cooked goose for Christmas one year. It turned out they’re about 90% fat and, once rendered, the remaining bird provided as much meat as a chicken wing. Luckily my mother had cooked an “emergency turkey” as well as she was suspicious of the goose.
I can’t remember how the goose tasted. It was probably nicer than the turkey, gamier almost certainly, but I can only really remember the relief when I found out there was back-up turkey available.
“Media vita in meleagris gallopavo domestico sumus.”
In the midst of life we are in turkey.
The Flog 